Hind-sight

Well, this is for a cause and a reason i am overwhelmed about and feeling from the core of my heart. Kolkata Sojourn of almost more than five years now, will experience a certain break. Well, this sojourn to the city of joy was with certain motives in life, certain dreams strewn to existence, certain expectations, excitements, hopes and everything more to the process called "LIFE".

A lot of lessons learnt and taught.....lessons to hold on, to move on, to start with, to end at and so on and so forth. Sometimes i loved the city in a way as if it stands dearest to me and at times just wanted to break free the chains of comfort and move out. Well, the later occurred only a few times but the former defined the way of life i led for more than five years.

I remember times, when i just couldn't think of an incident occuring in my life and the city not standing a witness to it. How dearly i held this joy to my heart. Anything and everything that defined this city made me happier if not happy.

This city on its first appearance unveiled its beauty as one basking in the shade of the setting sun as if the sun cared not to glare harshly upon which would hurt the serene beauty of the lad standing veiled to the strenuous world, yet letting in everything without interrupting themotion of change creeping in. The golden charm of the city appealed to me in any form and at any time of the day.

The sun, hitting straight, the multistoreyed building opposite the huge maidan, the Victoria Memorial standing with all pride and vigor, the trams rattling by, the buses plying only to stop at the signals and then making a queue to move by with all those gittering noise and leaving one in the dark clouds of smoke from behind. Well this was an aspect of the city, where it portrayed itself at its best.

Another look of the city which not only appealed to me but also stood staring at me for more than two years were the pale yellow walls of the buildings in the Jadavpur University Premise. The broad staircases, the lifts with the collapsible gates, the bridge on the lake, the sun-heated cement seats of the canteen were the structures which knew our hideouts better than us, who stood as the silent witness to all the craps of the bunkers sitting and dillydallying to moments uncounted and unnoticed with the cups, to be precise the bhaars of cha and smokes of ciggarette blowing high to reach the unknown and unseen fate and and hold on to the dreams dreamt. Adda, bhaant, golpo, gujob were all an integral part of the mere existence.

With numerous new faces passing by, some standing to observe others, some sitting to just let the time pass by, and everything so dear to heart.....last but not the least what i can say about this city and dedicate to is.........."You stood as the teacher and critic for everything and most important lessons of life, which only experience could teach and you took the role of changing the scene to help me learn more and make the play most interesting."

Doors Opened to Show the Dreams Getting Materialised

Ok ...so if i get back to a work that i used to do, say, 3 yrs back (definitely with a personal touch)....ok..let me write wat i felt about "Rock On".

Unbiased..to start with....."If GOD has an entity of a male and therefore by sheer chance or luck... if is handsome.......then its "ARJUN RAMPAL"........"

The film....well portrayed the dreams and the aspirations of people when they are in their youth and the way it fades away with time and situation. A group of four enthusiasts moves in to start a rock band......with events and achievements and failures intertwined the dream breaks to hit hard the reality........well, as i perceive it...something breaks to reunite in a more solid form..so happened in this film too....

All the four reunites after a span of 10 years when all were settled in their own way..more basking in commercial success than realizing their dreams and heading forward to achieve it. One an investment consultant, two managing their paternal business .....but one with ease and other facing the failure in its own way, the fourth one stands mid way between realizing his dream and giving it a commercial touch....needless to mention, success kissed them after facing a bitter experience of a fight of egos and some one gaining a bit more importance by taking the risk of making certain unfavorable decisions. Finally, after all bitter tatse they were destined to taste the sweetness and magnanimity of the dreams revived and giving it a real touch. They di prove their metal to the world.

Well, if not to analyze the film critically and trying to relate to it i can say, one just gets blown with the need of the situation and call of the more "real" time. Today at this junction i can only say, look back to a time where you have left your dreams unfulfilled and happiness uncherished..when you are in a position to call your dreams and give it a shape which it deserved and which shows you a sign of success that you wished to see long back......well stands the quote in this scenario..."better late than never".....

Constant and Rapid

Its really been long that i have scribbled or just jotted down my thoughts here in my blog. Today its nothin special, but just another day in my life, I feel like speaking something..something very absurd may be, but just feeling like....no special reason.. nothing.

Yes but i am feeling a bit different nowadays for having certain things changed for better (or i dont know may b a prelude for the worse....God forbid), though temporarily, on the other hand some things are worsening at a ligtning speed......however, life never seems to stop or move accordingly, .......at times it really feel strange to observe that its this 'life' that brings in all happiness and at times sadness (though unwanted), but the moment when you want to live accordingly you are just helpless...Life moves on as per its own rhythm as if not caring for what has creeped into your "Life" to make you feel happier or sad.

Needless to mention, i was blogging quite more frequently and regularly when i was again experiencing some bitter truth in my life, i sought repose from those clammers by writing here in my blog, thoug there was nothing related to the incidents happening, but, i dnt know how, believe me, i did find some kind of peace and repose in doing so.

Today, its not that the things have got better or that the darker times have shed off to bring in new light, but may be in some way or the other i have succumbed to it, i have got used to it, may be i have become numb to it (but having used the word "numb", it will be wise and safe to mention ........only for the way it is at present, if it changes again even by an inch, i will again have to make myself understand and start getting acquainted to it in all new way...again that will be a task in itself).

If change is the only constant, let changes come in so rapidly so that you dont even get a time to sit and really ponder over the past...as it is..the past always looks beautiful and good in compare to the unknown future and the so called "Vulnerable Present".......

Dazed and Amazed

life changes with every step we take..not for good or bad..but it changes......changes in a way where past looks distant and u r embraced by the present in such a way where future looks far fetched.....well, without changes even ......this feeling occurs to every human being..may b..may not b .....neways....

suddenly am reminded of the days when i first came to this "City of Joy"...was literally new to everything and every places.....and then......seriously had no idea...that i was here to live at least for a stretch of five years.....may b more.....

still remember those people of whom some became friends and some stand as strangers..just within a span of half a decade.

University campus, P.G, classes and a trip or two to some of the acquaintance's place, all these and everything trivial was among the chores of the day. Too busy, buying fags from the cigg shop outside the gate, attending classes with drooling eyes, ears tightly shut down to the worldly affairs and the lessons being taught, or simply swaying away time talking to people, visiting the canteen, numerous "bhaars of taltale cha" as we called..but could never think of going to some other tea stall. so this were the 14 hours spent in the campus and then the rest 10 hours in the P.G room....... sleeping or remembering the past hours or contemplating a story to be told in the adda session tomorrow........and wat not......looking to those faraway stars with radios glued to the ears, for all other were asleep at mere 3'o clock in the night.

may b the days ended in a continuation....

this life had to end...it ended....not at all was it a surprise... for demanding a bliss for two years is more than any happiness that u cn expect frm the unseen fate.

Guess the hang up continued for another 6 mnths or an year......this was the period where life got acquainted with somethng that ppl said "makes one's life"......campus cldnt allure much those days....some 45 mins trip was somethng that i looked forward to whn the days started and ended just in a blink......well, the episode too ended in a blink..... though not much to remember, regret or fel too good or happy about....but definitely was an expeirnece in itself......and then the feeling of "losing the priceless" was hurting..but as they said....and i too accepted...."nothing special"...happens to all....though cldnt really said...."was special to me"...fr everythng u feel or see for the first time definitely leaves a deep impact...good or bad....but it does....and as usual life moved on ...to c brighter days moulded in a darker clay pot.....

thn came the days of some serious works and fun intertwined......enjoyed the times..undoubtedly.....

but somehwere down the line..it feels.....life definitely moved on with unintentional and carefully careless grace but feelings and emotions could have stayed the way it was.....bland is somethng that hurts u less, apparently...but for the feelings as it is ingrained ...nothin really gets off.....only life becomes a bit difficult....while posing with a facade and without it..though at rare occasions.......

make yourself indispensable for the one who uses you

Ok…It feels much weird to write on something or anything at this odd hour…its almost 2 a.m….but I just feel like scribbling down that is running through my mind rite now….i dnt know whether it will work as a token of my irritation or just stand as a testimony of the present hour in the future…bt yes I feel like writing and therefore I will write it……the radio plays…….”Woman” and I am enjoying every single bit of it……..

This time I have pledged not to write on anything that hurts me….rather I want to give a bang on answer to everything that hurts me and that bothers me…..i know writing this wnt stop me from bothering any more or any less…….bt simply..i will scribble down because I feel like writing just at this moment ….and I know I will write this whole thng on an equally stubborn and stern note….. yes, consciously enough……

Look….if you think some one is using u……only make it a point to make urself indispensable fr thm throughout their life……..none of the bastards hav ever been happy and therefore they wnt make u either…..they are a bunch of problem roaming around and making the whole situation worse fr one and all….and u r no exception……

If they want to walk over you….make yourself their “feet”……….where you make them walk and make them stop…..where if u r injured, your amputation makes them not only feel, but truly handicap…..

If they want to hold u back…make yourself “water”…..so that u dnt stand bt ur flowing away definitely makes it a point to make them feel…that something is flowing, moving away….bt at the end of the day whn thy complain abt your not being wth them….ask them to feel their wet hands……..u cn no way better teach them a lesson……for their lies and meaningless craps….this cn possibly b the correct and well deserved answer and a slap on their face……

If they want to feel u……..make yourself their senses…..…. they are then just a “null” without u…..just an “object” as they made u feel and as they have treated u……….

I know every person reading this mite consider me unsound…….but…..who cares man……no point bothering on tags frm ppl who really dnt know their existence as a “human” …..……

Bt at the end I wld like to say…. anybody…who thnk this to b a possibly right answer to all the tantrums fr their ever-more nagging “companies”….let me tell u that at the end of the day…u will have to struggle harder to prove yourself in any of the above possible way…so better remain to them as u r……and keep on giving into their tantrums……coz at the end of th day……they are too insensitive to feel even this change…..

And always remember……its nt that the nxt will b better……they all wl b the same…..coz they are rightly termed “insensitive” …….they wll cntnue to b the same….bt if ever u feel tired….just “FUCK THEM OFF” to get ur sanity revived….

BUT………..

If they at all care fr u and love u…..which is rare bt possible……love them and care fr them the most…..that will definitely give u more satisfaction than anything else….