Dazed and Amazed

life changes with every step we take..not for good or bad..but it changes......changes in a way where past looks distant and u r embraced by the present in such a way where future looks far fetched.....well, without changes even ......this feeling occurs to every human being..may b..may not b .....neways....

suddenly am reminded of the days when i first came to this "City of Joy"...was literally new to everything and every places.....and then......seriously had no idea...that i was here to live at least for a stretch of five years.....may b more.....

still remember those people of whom some became friends and some stand as strangers..just within a span of half a decade.

University campus, P.G, classes and a trip or two to some of the acquaintance's place, all these and everything trivial was among the chores of the day. Too busy, buying fags from the cigg shop outside the gate, attending classes with drooling eyes, ears tightly shut down to the worldly affairs and the lessons being taught, or simply swaying away time talking to people, visiting the canteen, numerous "bhaars of taltale cha" as we called..but could never think of going to some other tea stall. so this were the 14 hours spent in the campus and then the rest 10 hours in the P.G room....... sleeping or remembering the past hours or contemplating a story to be told in the adda session tomorrow........and wat not......looking to those faraway stars with radios glued to the ears, for all other were asleep at mere 3'o clock in the night.

may b the days ended in a continuation....

this life had to end...it ended....not at all was it a surprise... for demanding a bliss for two years is more than any happiness that u cn expect frm the unseen fate.

Guess the hang up continued for another 6 mnths or an year......this was the period where life got acquainted with somethng that ppl said "makes one's life"......campus cldnt allure much those days....some 45 mins trip was somethng that i looked forward to whn the days started and ended just in a blink......well, the episode too ended in a blink..... though not much to remember, regret or fel too good or happy about....but definitely was an expeirnece in itself......and then the feeling of "losing the priceless" was hurting..but as they said....and i too accepted...."nothing special"...happens to all....though cldnt really said...."was special to me"...fr everythng u feel or see for the first time definitely leaves a deep impact...good or bad....but it does....and as usual life moved on ...to c brighter days moulded in a darker clay pot.....

thn came the days of some serious works and fun intertwined......enjoyed the times..undoubtedly.....

but somehwere down the line..it feels.....life definitely moved on with unintentional and carefully careless grace but feelings and emotions could have stayed the way it was.....bland is somethng that hurts u less, apparently...but for the feelings as it is ingrained ...nothin really gets off.....only life becomes a bit difficult....while posing with a facade and without it..though at rare occasions.......

make yourself indispensable for the one who uses you

Ok…It feels much weird to write on something or anything at this odd hour…its almost 2 a.m….but I just feel like scribbling down that is running through my mind rite now….i dnt know whether it will work as a token of my irritation or just stand as a testimony of the present hour in the future…bt yes I feel like writing and therefore I will write it……the radio plays…….”Woman” and I am enjoying every single bit of it……..

This time I have pledged not to write on anything that hurts me….rather I want to give a bang on answer to everything that hurts me and that bothers me…..i know writing this wnt stop me from bothering any more or any less…….bt simply..i will scribble down because I feel like writing just at this moment ….and I know I will write this whole thng on an equally stubborn and stern note….. yes, consciously enough……

Look….if you think some one is using u……only make it a point to make urself indispensable fr thm throughout their life……..none of the bastards hav ever been happy and therefore they wnt make u either…..they are a bunch of problem roaming around and making the whole situation worse fr one and all….and u r no exception……

If they want to walk over you….make yourself their “feet”……….where you make them walk and make them stop…..where if u r injured, your amputation makes them not only feel, but truly handicap…..

If they want to hold u back…make yourself “water”…..so that u dnt stand bt ur flowing away definitely makes it a point to make them feel…that something is flowing, moving away….bt at the end of the day whn thy complain abt your not being wth them….ask them to feel their wet hands……..u cn no way better teach them a lesson……for their lies and meaningless craps….this cn possibly b the correct and well deserved answer and a slap on their face……

If they want to feel u……..make yourself their senses…..…. they are then just a “null” without u…..just an “object” as they made u feel and as they have treated u……….

I know every person reading this mite consider me unsound…….but…..who cares man……no point bothering on tags frm ppl who really dnt know their existence as a “human” …..……

Bt at the end I wld like to say…. anybody…who thnk this to b a possibly right answer to all the tantrums fr their ever-more nagging “companies”….let me tell u that at the end of the day…u will have to struggle harder to prove yourself in any of the above possible way…so better remain to them as u r……and keep on giving into their tantrums……coz at the end of th day……they are too insensitive to feel even this change…..

And always remember……its nt that the nxt will b better……they all wl b the same…..coz they are rightly termed “insensitive” …….they wll cntnue to b the same….bt if ever u feel tired….just “FUCK THEM OFF” to get ur sanity revived….

BUT………..

If they at all care fr u and love u…..which is rare bt possible……love them and care fr them the most…..that will definitely give u more satisfaction than anything else….

"Compare"isons

Places r neither bad nor good........ppl arnd make it so....compare was once a place we cldnt think our life without...but today we want our life to move on without being a part of it...

no. no.......i just wrote these lines....dnt know xactly y.....may b because after everything, we cannot just really forget days spent at "compare" (irrespective of all that started being bad and getting worse)... and end of being "colleagues" as every old face moving past........ :-)

This journey has been quite a significant one in my life...started on april 9th, 2007, and i was all so ga-ga and could boast about the fact that i go to work in a place that is full of young souls and like minded people.

Started this journey in a state transport bus...(but...journey to compare just not stop here for me...it has lot more to say, but in the next post may b.. :-)] ...and yes it was the first day that my sandal's strap gave way as soon as i got down from the bus...all perplexed and at a loss.....managed a cobbler and got the sandal mend and then entered the office 15 minutes late than the stipulated time...thank god and luckily...administration didnt really notice that because till then i didnt get my log in i.d...so the day was managed pretty well...so, the journey started 15 minutes late.....and had so much in store.....

All new faces, some known though..as they were from Jadavpur university. But what impressed me most and made me happy was that none of them i saw was sitting gloomy......very jovial and all laughing and sharing talks....no idea what the talks were all about...but soon got the idea as i also became an active member of the "lets take a break and talk and gosssip "...needless to say girls outnumbered the boys in this job, at the same time it would be wise to mention number of female employees outnumbered the male employees here in this organization.......so there you get the hint...yes here in this office everyone was so friendly and interested in everything that everyone participated in everything together....cursed everything together...laughed at evrything together and yes "sulked" at times nevertheless. no one was really ina state as to not know wat the other person in the office is doing , in every sense.....yes.....and believe me it was fun and every one was so open about their being that it made this work place really a delight to be...........................

Being a member of a team, learning the trade and offcourse..the tricks.....knowing the people around....yes, i repeat, it was "Fun", it was all about feeling good.....it was all about being happy.. yes...... together.

But as it is said........bad times are never for ever..........in this context it can well be said...neither are good times forever........yes, things had to change...it started changing and it changed......good that things change......change brings in a new beginning..................but sadly, i dnt thing the changes that this company went through and is going through can be appreciated much.......(and i think people whoever can relate to this write up thinks in the same way).

i repeat with a modification..........."compare was once a place we cldnt (didnt wanted to) think our life without...but today we want our life to move on (completely) without being a part of it..."................

Incomparably Jinxed

Keeping the present job scenario and the state of mind I am in, it seems as if I personify discomfort, irritation, unwillingness to do anything productive and meaningful and short temper.

If I sit to analyze and pen down the causes of “can’t live without such feelings at present” will be too boring and repulsive for any of the readers visiting my blog. Having said this I just realized, my sole intention of creating this blog is to let people know the reasons as to what has motivated me to become such an “irritated being”.

First and foremost My Workplace - which is a place full of people who can bring the shit out of you yet can act smart as if the responsibility of declaring the third world war lies on their shoulder. They have gained expertise in throwing meaningless challenges and then expecting you to face them with all bravery and cent percent positive outlook. On accepting such challenges, they think is your will to work and strength to face difficulties lie….which I consider is all “Bull Shit”……Now before, I portray myself as a person who hate to take challenges, (which is true, may be to some extent and moreover which I have acquired after working in this stable) it will be better to mention the types of challenges that are thrown,

i) Ability to work (happily and satisfactorily) without salary for more than a month or two.

ii) Putting you in an air conditioned meeting room to listen to all shits, like,

a) don’t drink too much of coffee
b) don’t use toilet paper without any urgent need
c) enhance your productivity even if you are not being paid
d) Lying on the fact of your salary being credited
e) And many such “Food for Thought”..that they utter to keep the office rolling and giving you false hope on many such important issues

Now having said all this, one can simply come up with a question, as to why don’t I change my Job, if the place is so sick. Or, y am I complaining so much.

I have my answer to it….

I am trying several places since ages, but as I don’t know much of technicalities I am not able to change my present profession with a few basic changes, because as my company promised me will teach some, but ended up in directing me, (and not only me, every single person working here) to write travelogues on Microsoft Word, for those who are lucky and for those unlucky again, its Open Office, for them.

Okk…..now do u know y aren’t people provided Microsoft Word……because… (hold your breath. …….The company claims itself to be an IT company, has office in Saltlake Sector 5 in Kolkata..(will b better if I dont mention other places where the goddamned company management claims to have an office) do not have enough revenue to buy Microsoft Words License………this is the truth…….the story is given in a way, as if Bill Gates is personally known to the high ups of our company and shares a bad rapport for reasons those r obvious enough to share a bitter relation……..

With an experience of working here for an year now, I am TIRED and SICK of this place.

So, beautiful is my office……….i Loooove the place…….no complains ok…….if u want a job here….forward me ur CV.. i will definitely forward it to the Hell……..and there will start our hatred and dislike for each other…….(hatred and disliking are understatement in this case…take my words)………

More wrath to come…..in between u can also expect some funny stuff……where I might talk about myself….. :P:P