Dreams

She walked up the stairs silently...she knew a tap of the heels would bring in the people of the adjacent apartments to the eye-hole on their doors.

She was walking up the stairs in perfect silence and shivered once on seeing him standing at the staircase landing. She waited in front of the 2nd floor apartment door as he went to the 3rd floor to get the keys for the 2nd floor apartment. She blankly stared at the door of the apartment on the 3rd floor.

she knew no matter how much she loved him, she would never be entitled to set her feet inside the apartment above, his actual "Home". She was even more sure that he would meet her at the second floor apartment only till the day, when someone more near to his life "socially" would be accepted heartily by his family members and will be welcomed to the warmly lit 3rd floor apartment.

Her silent cry went unnoticed with the screeching sound of the door leading them to the dark and cold apartment on the 2nd floor.

Pearl

It's been long that she has actually been the way she wanted to be. She laughed, danced and roamed as if it was her last day on earth.

Somewhere down she wanted to escape the wrath and fury of all that looked beautiful, pleasurable and jazzy, coz somewhere down she knew all that looked good had the darkest contours within.

Yes, she knew that the realization had dawned late, it was too late for her to accept that "nothing but opposite strikes", and this is what she wants to hold on all through. She somehow always managed to console herself with sweet words, knowing those were as meaningless, but this time she was sure she wont let the days pass by as the days that were already gone.

She bid her parents "the-all-Smile-and-Happy" Goodbye to turn around soon and be part of the gang whose giggles were tearing apart the grave silence of bidding adieu?

She laid in the bed as a stone remembering her mother's lap when she had a high fever, though would never let that precious pearl drop fall off her eyes???!!!!

She laughed at the joke her friends cracked regarding her being betrayed by someone she adored????

She just hung up the phone silently on realizing that the voice on the other side suddenly went low as she introduced herself???

Well, and many many more such instances where she reacted the way just to put up a "Strong-Self", little did she had an idea that the "Portrayed-Strong-Self" was one of her attempt to make the "Opposites Strike", which actually killed her.

Weird

Something is wrong....something is bothering me...i am restless...

But not getting to figure out exactly wat it is... :(

A Closed Sphere

A random post...definitely inspired by some of the blogs that i follow...but yes on reading those posts i realised some where down even i feel the same ..i needed a much pressured drive to let my expressions and thoughts take textual shape...

1. Some way i feel, we have become more complaining and we take immense pleasure in blaming what we see and others do.


2. Some way i feel, we do not bother to learn from the experience we gain...no matter how small or big the events are to teach us a small but valuable lesson.


3. Some way i feel, we do not walk...we prefer running like dogs and then give up just the moment we feel tired.


4. Some way i feel, we have lost the sensibility and sensitivity to take notice of anything that we come across.


5. Some way i feel, we are always in a hurry to jump to the next rather giving due importance to the present, moment "the next" become "present" we take it for granted.


6. Some way i feel, we are no more surprised or hesitated to see the unknown and unseen.


7. Some way i feel, we think that the world is flat and what is gone has just passed away.

But...unfortunately if we keep on deriving pleasure from all the above, the world, rather we will make ourself realise that its "round" and this will be taught in a harsher way.....

There is a need to be afraid of, to observe, to love, to give it a due importance, to ponder and to hold on to...

oioioioioi

aaahhhh..no not willing........some other time may be....:D

:O

No..not feeling like writing now ....will give it a try later...

But i would like to thank pantaloons for showcasing oversized apparels..i got not one...but 5...that too during the season end sale ......

I am happy....:D

The S Factor!!

Smoke after sex or sex after smoke????????????

sexy smoke or smokey sex???????

please come out of the bed and send in your opinions ........Quite an easy poll and a modest one......

JLTs...

Hehehhe...again..JLT......


well, i have one reason....posting one from this comp for the first time...


well..yet another one....not to forget had a week worth it..after ages...may be mentally its "ages"......in reality had such lazy, drooling weeks even in the recent past but the charm of those weeks were spoilt for the reason that i had to wake up early and go to the place called "Office".....


As i am in kolkata after 3 months...met all those people whom i missed a lot...well yes..missed them...didnt meet a few offcourse...will meet them soon....


Now that i didnt have to go to any offcie or such crapy place, effortlessly, i woke up at around 8-8.30 a.m, (will have to do it with great effort from the coming week).... and then complete layd throghout the day, only going out as per my own will...not even need...it was FUN.


It's just fun, pure fun that I can again move from one place to another and can also have a cup or two tea and a fag or two with only 20 rupees in hand.


Fun.....

With the coming week knocking at the door, "have to's" will soon creep in...like, will have to go somewhere for some definite need and the act wont b JLT....and then within a few hours all JLT's in life will be markedly replaced by "Have-to"s......OH..Wat pain....i feel like crying....no not actually....i feel like screaming and i feel like holding on to this passing time with a screeaaaaaaaaccccchhhhhhh........

Neways.....with this resolution fever on, i hereby take a short term resolution........."i will not crib.....and nag".....well i mentioned it- "short term"...which can just be a moment long.....:D:D:D

no seriously..no cribbing let time pass and let those stupid, farty, crapy, itching "have-to's" take over the beautiful, angelic "JLT's".....I Will NOT CRIB....COME WAT MAY....

ok...the moment is over...and therefore....Oh God....again..... :(.............no..no cribbing..:P:P.....P for promise.........:D:D..short term.....though....:D:D:D:D:D

State of Bliss

.....PUZZLED.....CONFUSED......CLUELESS.....

Unwrapped Emotions....

may be again i have a reason to be....i really dont know "what"!!!!!!!..ok..write....neways...chuck it.....wat i feel....

Life teaches us numerous lessons which are either followed or are just kept aside...

"A good-bye with a smile"...is the worst lesson of all that "Life" teaches......

I mean we can just be straight and up right while expressing some emotions which are equally vital as the lessons....!!!!!!! ...

hey!!!!!?????

It Rained

Like many other posts..without any reason, base, logic or anything....this practise might describe me......if observed...a creature marching on the earth, without a radar...aimlessly, baselessly, illogically.....well...not to continue on that line...


This time i am trying to jot down memories associated with songs....i am not trying to start in any chronological order, rather as it comes to my jagged memory.


Rite at this point of time, i am listening to songs of Metro and Jhoom Barabar Jhoom, (wat did you say???, u expected something very different from this collection???.....then i must say, u have stepped on to a wrong blog..this might not be your place...i am sure u will find greener pastures around..:-D)


Well, the songs from these two films, reminds me every act, weird act, i performed in the show-house called "Compare Infobase"...without fail i still say....the place definitely had the charm to woo many if not all...i was among "many" of them.


"In-dino dil mera" and "bol na halke halke" reminds me of those showers, which stood as a transparent curtains between me standing on the verandah and those distant green scape on one side and those concrete structures on the other side, just to mention one among the numerous shots that pass my memory scape within seconds, as soon as any of these two songs start.


The sessions at Xrong, i remember i heard JBJ's songs, for the first time. i remember the capris fitting me fine, the peach colored t-shirt just highlighting the contours of my body as those were, the long tresses, wet and smelling sweet becuase of that newly discovered shampoo and the fragrance that i always wore till then....

The walk from 95, southern avenue to Deshapriya park, Rahul's car waiting in front of the National High School, me walking towards the school, Debolina beside me...and then discovering the other two sitting in the car, unlike "all-drenched" debolina and me, they were dry as a date and were looking as proper as one can manage to look for some highly anticipated interview call after ages.

"In dino dil mera" also reminds me - loosing my favorite "Osho Chappal"...well, i have fetish for objects which helps me feel "lighter" ...;-D, the same osho chappal i wore to XRONG, the time i heard JBJ's music. well and then the other two sitting in Rahul's car didnt even notice that i was on my way to office, without any "footwear..and yes...i mean it...

This song also reminds me of the "special lift" in pisi's car...though at that point of time neither of us knew each other....moment i just entered with my soiled feet , i could hear the song...

Man, i took this song as a jinxed one in my life...but....yes..as always i think i was wrong.

the post to be continued..as per the delivery from the above jagged memory,...:D:D

Mumbai

I personally salute the spirit of this city. It shows us..Life "doesnt stop"....

Incessant fight (may be "WAR", this time) against terrorism, specifically, in one part of the city give other parts more vigour to fight out the general and minimal oddities of life......Life continues...only after a traumatic shake....

Lost, i am

Mumbai, at times looks good, at times ...no not sad, not depressing...but u know the city is so huge, my mortal being just fail to get the links to its over the centuries existence. . ..The grandeur of the city with my mere attempts to know it, fails to strike a balance in between. I am often left to wander "no-where" after travelling a distance of say some 30 kilometers over a span of two hours.

Well, i dnt complain, the city allure thousands with such vastness of its own and by which it definitely swears to the upcoming trend of lifestyle and living.

Only that i get lost ...i g haywire...i fail to find an identity of my own while moving.....

Another One..:D

U can afford to be nostalgic when :

1) You are sitting with some sensible old pals, by "sensible" i mean some who has faced the same situation in the same way as you have faced it, (as in moving out of home town and stuff like that or from that cozy comfort zone of the past, to be precise... but then when u say that, everyone claims to have a rugged present topography ....so plain and simple....People whom you think will understand and can contribute or to the least will be a good listener to the topic or act of being nostalgic.

2) You are sitting with the same guys boozing and smoking on the terrace on an October night under starry sky say after an appraisal or just the night before when you all are going on a 10 days trip to some hilly regions.

3) You are travelling, specifically in a train and heading towards the place you love... for anything, as in you are travelling where in you are expecting fun and you are just happy about going to the concerned place.

4) You have something where you can jot down your memories.

5) you are alone because you are happy or you are happy that you are alone.

Look for the above conditions, you can afford to be nostalgic because that wont make you cry, instead, it will give you an opportunity to feel good about your past and therefore trying to make a present and a future of which you can be nostalgic about in the distant future.

Well, end of this crap...i thought this way....therefore......you see.. i had something where i jotted it down....:D:D:D:D

Bloggy

I am writing a blog now...because
1) I am writing one
2) I am not feeling like working
3) I am tired of writing sense
4) Ilove this blog thing
5) I am in a mood to nag, but i see no one interested in listening to the same.

Realisations:
1) The kolkata people write the best blogs (I strictly mean only YOUTHS from KOLKATA....and u do count me among them...as youth, not necessarily Blogger....)

2) The JU, Presidency and the Xavier's people write the best blogs(I mean anyone who has even visited any of these places even fr a fag counter.)

Attempt
1) Trying to take this commercial capital of India on blogosphere by writing one from the location.

Kolkata..i LOVE......Mumbai...I MIGHT LOVE someday......and u have to care about it...

Wish

You know wat..i feel like writing when i am reading other blogs, when i see other's and my blog , when i read the most simple and commonest of things that some one has jotted down .

But i dont feel like writing on this blank space.....give me something that is similar to the template, on which, if i scribble, will give me sense that i am writing it on the board.

I know this a wish too much..but wats the harm!!!!!!!!...:D:D:D:D:D

Grrr..:X

Me being a jerk have come across many who are plain escapists and son of bitches....and if i am not wrong i am turining into both an escapist and a bitch.....:X:X..really annoyed on everything and everyone around...:X:X...first.. on myself

Hind-sight

Well, this is for a cause and a reason i am overwhelmed about and feeling from the core of my heart. Kolkata Sojourn of almost more than five years now, will experience a certain break. Well, this sojourn to the city of joy was with certain motives in life, certain dreams strewn to existence, certain expectations, excitements, hopes and everything more to the process called "LIFE".

A lot of lessons learnt and taught.....lessons to hold on, to move on, to start with, to end at and so on and so forth. Sometimes i loved the city in a way as if it stands dearest to me and at times just wanted to break free the chains of comfort and move out. Well, the later occurred only a few times but the former defined the way of life i led for more than five years.

I remember times, when i just couldn't think of an incident occuring in my life and the city not standing a witness to it. How dearly i held this joy to my heart. Anything and everything that defined this city made me happier if not happy.

This city on its first appearance unveiled its beauty as one basking in the shade of the setting sun as if the sun cared not to glare harshly upon which would hurt the serene beauty of the lad standing veiled to the strenuous world, yet letting in everything without interrupting themotion of change creeping in. The golden charm of the city appealed to me in any form and at any time of the day.

The sun, hitting straight, the multistoreyed building opposite the huge maidan, the Victoria Memorial standing with all pride and vigor, the trams rattling by, the buses plying only to stop at the signals and then making a queue to move by with all those gittering noise and leaving one in the dark clouds of smoke from behind. Well this was an aspect of the city, where it portrayed itself at its best.

Another look of the city which not only appealed to me but also stood staring at me for more than two years were the pale yellow walls of the buildings in the Jadavpur University Premise. The broad staircases, the lifts with the collapsible gates, the bridge on the lake, the sun-heated cement seats of the canteen were the structures which knew our hideouts better than us, who stood as the silent witness to all the craps of the bunkers sitting and dillydallying to moments uncounted and unnoticed with the cups, to be precise the bhaars of cha and smokes of ciggarette blowing high to reach the unknown and unseen fate and and hold on to the dreams dreamt. Adda, bhaant, golpo, gujob were all an integral part of the mere existence.

With numerous new faces passing by, some standing to observe others, some sitting to just let the time pass by, and everything so dear to heart.....last but not the least what i can say about this city and dedicate to is.........."You stood as the teacher and critic for everything and most important lessons of life, which only experience could teach and you took the role of changing the scene to help me learn more and make the play most interesting."

Constant and Rapid

Its really been long that i have scribbled or just jotted down my thoughts here in my blog. Today its nothin special, but just another day in my life, I feel like speaking something..something very absurd may be, but just feeling like....no special reason.. nothing.

Yes but i am feeling a bit different nowadays for having certain things changed for better (or i dont know may b a prelude for the worse....God forbid), though temporarily, on the other hand some things are worsening at a ligtning speed......however, life never seems to stop or move accordingly, .......at times it really feel strange to observe that its this 'life' that brings in all happiness and at times sadness (though unwanted), but the moment when you want to live accordingly you are just helpless...Life moves on as per its own rhythm as if not caring for what has creeped into your "Life" to make you feel happier or sad.

Needless to mention, i was blogging quite more frequently and regularly when i was again experiencing some bitter truth in my life, i sought repose from those clammers by writing here in my blog, thoug there was nothing related to the incidents happening, but, i dnt know how, believe me, i did find some kind of peace and repose in doing so.

Today, its not that the things have got better or that the darker times have shed off to bring in new light, but may be in some way or the other i have succumbed to it, i have got used to it, may be i have become numb to it (but having used the word "numb", it will be wise and safe to mention ........only for the way it is at present, if it changes again even by an inch, i will again have to make myself understand and start getting acquainted to it in all new way...again that will be a task in itself).

If change is the only constant, let changes come in so rapidly so that you dont even get a time to sit and really ponder over the past...as it is..the past always looks beautiful and good in compare to the unknown future and the so called "Vulnerable Present".......

Dazed and Amazed

life changes with every step we take..not for good or bad..but it changes......changes in a way where past looks distant and u r embraced by the present in such a way where future looks far fetched.....well, without changes even ......this feeling occurs to every human being..may b..may not b .....neways....

suddenly am reminded of the days when i first came to this "City of Joy"...was literally new to everything and every places.....and then......seriously had no idea...that i was here to live at least for a stretch of five years.....may b more.....

still remember those people of whom some became friends and some stand as strangers..just within a span of half a decade.

University campus, P.G, classes and a trip or two to some of the acquaintance's place, all these and everything trivial was among the chores of the day. Too busy, buying fags from the cigg shop outside the gate, attending classes with drooling eyes, ears tightly shut down to the worldly affairs and the lessons being taught, or simply swaying away time talking to people, visiting the canteen, numerous "bhaars of taltale cha" as we called..but could never think of going to some other tea stall. so this were the 14 hours spent in the campus and then the rest 10 hours in the P.G room....... sleeping or remembering the past hours or contemplating a story to be told in the adda session tomorrow........and wat not......looking to those faraway stars with radios glued to the ears, for all other were asleep at mere 3'o clock in the night.

may b the days ended in a continuation....

this life had to end...it ended....not at all was it a surprise... for demanding a bliss for two years is more than any happiness that u cn expect frm the unseen fate.

Guess the hang up continued for another 6 mnths or an year......this was the period where life got acquainted with somethng that ppl said "makes one's life"......campus cldnt allure much those days....some 45 mins trip was somethng that i looked forward to whn the days started and ended just in a blink......well, the episode too ended in a blink..... though not much to remember, regret or fel too good or happy about....but definitely was an expeirnece in itself......and then the feeling of "losing the priceless" was hurting..but as they said....and i too accepted...."nothing special"...happens to all....though cldnt really said...."was special to me"...fr everythng u feel or see for the first time definitely leaves a deep impact...good or bad....but it does....and as usual life moved on ...to c brighter days moulded in a darker clay pot.....

thn came the days of some serious works and fun intertwined......enjoyed the times..undoubtedly.....

but somehwere down the line..it feels.....life definitely moved on with unintentional and carefully careless grace but feelings and emotions could have stayed the way it was.....bland is somethng that hurts u less, apparently...but for the feelings as it is ingrained ...nothin really gets off.....only life becomes a bit difficult....while posing with a facade and without it..though at rare occasions.......