Thursday, July 23, 2009

What goes around comes around

Disclaimer: This is a long long post

Circa 2000
Location: Varanasi
Setting: In a room, some 4-5 girls giggling, talking non-sense and trying to make the most of a hot sunday afternoon
Status:Hosteler/student

Roommate(RM)(opens the door with a bang and screams in): My boyfriend is coming...yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Me: ohh..who?

RM: (Silence) Gives me a look.

Me: no, i mean...which one?

RM: A dirtier look (The rest: falls apart laughing)

Me: No i mean...

RM: ....Can you please try to understand and then speak?

Me: yeah.... i'm trying to....

RM: (snaps in) My BOYFRIEND is coming from Hyderabad

Me: ohh..you have big connections..!!

RM: ohh..yes man, i worked (read: gave in a lot of effort) on it...he studies in Hyderabad and visits his parents in Dubai and will be going for his Masters in the US of A and is coming to visit his girlfriend in Varanasi. (the last part of the sentence goes with an elan)

Me: ohh woow...Globe trotter

RM: well, girls(Addresses to all in the room), i need your help...i need the best Sari, need to wear the best make-up and i need to look "GORGEOUS"...you understand??
(Turns to me), Can you please lend me that white sari with golden zari and motifs all over???

Me: (Zapped..no idea of what this storm has struck)..ohh..yeah..definitely (someone rightly said: Charity begins at home)

RM: and i think your blouse will fit me fine.

One of the rest: if not, you can stitch it in...(yaa..she has to make this point clear that my RM has got the best figure...ohh yes these are the words most needed to boost one's confidence and morale at such *fate-changing* situation)

RM to the rest: and i need to check your make-up box for the right shade of lipstick

Me: but why so much...i mean you can be in your t-shirt and jeans, rite!!

RM: Can you please keep shut and stop giving your expert comments???? and yes ..you will help me with wearing the Saree.

ME: *that will sure be an event*..oohh..yess...

The Day:

RM woke up at some 5-5.30 am, me still snoring, she wakes me up with a direct hit on my bum..me with half opened/half closed eyes, seeing her bathed so early scared the hell out of me..

Me: Good morning, y did u take a bath so early? you will catch cold.

RM: stop the shit and help me, now get up, dn't be so lazy...the train is running on time

Me: ohh yes..while wrapping the saree (not getting an iota of "What is this Happening!!!!"..I need to change my room..my roommate has taken a bath before 6 am...)

Finally, after 30 good minutes..she is ready, she is wearing a saree, matched accessories, the right shade of lipstick and yes she is looking beautiful..err.."GORGEOUS"

RM: How am i looking?

Me: yeaah..Beautiful..i mean damn beautiful...he wont get much chance to appreciate the Holy Ganges and the Ghats.

RM:..hmm...anyways...will beback by 7 p.m.

Me (thinking):*12 hrs...wnt u get bored?!*( but then at times you need to keep your thoughts as thoughts and should not speak out...good..i am learning things.)

off to sleep, wake up at 1..room empty..obviously missed the breakfast..good that i woke up now..its lunch time and i won't die hungry.

1800hrs: All "loosers" (read: people without boyfriends) sitting by the fountain, gossiping, munching,bitching.

1900hrs: Almost dark and i scream...hey..who is that beautiful lady at the gate..cant b anyone's mother..looks too hot and young..may b someone's didi..whose?? No one in our campus looks like having such a pretty lineage...!!!

Some one from the group hits me and says: You blind bitch, she is your room mate

Me: oh yes..come lets go to the room.... stories enough to spend the whole night..we must start early...tomorrow is Monday...

We all along with my "Pretty Roomy" heading towards the room, all eyes set on her...some making her feel like a "Queen" and i am there to welcome her by un-latching the door.

All sitting, the Queen starts. (Though not looking much enthusiastic about the whole affair.)

Me: Are you tired or something..then we can wait till tomorrow evening to get the gossip..or if its too late for you to hold on we can spend the night gossiping. so you can take rest now

RM: *Furious* wattt??? you said that word "Gossip"...i mean how can you.......(continues till the room is relatively empty and i am the only one in the front standing unarmed). Anyways..seems like we will have to wait...

22oo hrs and as planned..again all around...my Roomy/the Queen..me playing the host to orders like...."Zara paani dena/ biscuit hai tumhare room mein/ Mixture/ Pickles...to all questions my one word answer "No"...some says..."Sali kya bhikhari hai re tu log!!!!!"and my roomy just couldnt take that and turns to me and says, look there in my bag are two Dairy Milk Chocolate..get those. 'ohh..so didnt u remember that when everyone left in the evening and i was faking to study hard to escape your verbal wrath!!!!.'

RM: Okk...girls are you interested to know wat happened?

In Unison: man, we cant wait anymore. 'what you think we all are here to admire you sitting between us just like that?? what goes wrong with people in love???'

RM narrating all the events that took place between 700hrs-1800hrs, which includes a warm welcome, a tight hug, booking a hotel room saying "We are couple"and that was the "High" (me thinks), some sweet-nothings, stroll to the ghats and nearby parks, gala lunch, back to the park, some coochy-cooing, an open-air discussion and to digest that extra calorie intake (here comes the twist) and finally, bidding that Bollywood style Goodbye.

well...to cut a long story short: What happened is, when they were sitting in the park coochy-cooing and were just trying to be cozy, as in a bit more cozy, as in so cozy that each other were feeling each other's breath, my RM saw some creepy creatures standing witness to their "sweet act" (sweet because not-so-adult and public distracting), and the creepy creature on witnessing the love birds, actually could not restrain itslef and witha strong desire to be a third party in the whole act started wriggling towards them...and when i say creepy, i mean creepy...i also mean crawling, i also mean wriggling.

Me: (on hearing this, jump off the bed...and animatedly screams) "WAT!!!"...and you were so near, i mean to "it"and not to "him"!!! and you are still alive????

RM: yes, (and goes into a bharatiya nari mode) yes, i was sitting there and to my dismay i saw him running away like a mad dog. (eyes almost red and moist)
me almost loosing sense, both on hearing the creepy story and on seeing the red eyes.

Me: Trying to ease the situation and all trying to console my RM for the *inappropriate* act that sjhe was subjected to..and i again come out with my smart opinion
Good that he ran away, you should have done the same, why were you sitting there...did you go cold?? i mean that would have been an awkward accident girl.

RM: Yes, it was awkward, i never thought he will run away leaving me in such a state. he could have atleast held my hands and then we both could have ran together.

Held my hands, ran together- Can real life be so filmy??? What did you expect??The wriggly creature intervenes and you sit there for someone lending you his hand???

My all enthusiam down the drain, as i see people consoling and my roomy in tears, well, some different thoughts running in my mind altogether: Man, all these bitches will leave and i will have to remain wide awake providing tissues??? Finally, as expected everyone leaves, and again i play the real good host bidding everyone good-bye and gesturing as if i will console her just in a second. Deep down only i know, how nervous i was...infact more than the roomy who went "cold" on seeing the wriggly creature.

Me: (Upfront) Look you should not worry and cry like this, i think (now i have to be articulate, i thought)..i mean...yes..i mean..wat he did was what we call "Respond to stimuli" but yes, he could have pulled you *your fat ass* along with.

She continues with her sob and tears, in all that bollywood style and after trying to console her for almost 15 mins, i give up and straight i shoot.
Look, if you think he shld have done according to wat you had expected and that gives you a feeling, that he is not "So-caring" a BOYFRIEND and that you have lost faith/trust..then speak to him about this and if he gives a shrug kind of an answer...give your "Globe-Trotting" relationship a CALL.

RM: Why do you have to jump to a black and white conclusion evrytime??? (RM: eyes big, tears gone, back to normal self.
Me: Jump into my bed and under the cover thinking, i should have given this dose long back to stop myself from getting so panicked.)

Next evening RM goes straight to the cyber cafe, gets him online and then scares the shit out of him by throwing words...emotional, sentimental, i loved you so much, i care for you so much and stuff and to my utter disbelief i heard her saying me "I gave HIM the DOSE, you gave me yesternight". :O

ME: ohh..okkk....as timidly as one can say...hope that worked....

RM: Yes Big time...


Circa 2005
Location: Kolkata
No special dress, a jeans and a kurta may be if not a t-shirt. (tsk..i dnt even remeber..how mean)
Setting: A couple sitting in one of the many parks in Kolkata.

and as it has to be...when you are seeing someone as a boyfriend..you need to do those coochy-cooing and sweet nothings..or else once again you "Did-not-do-as-expected".

and there we are...almost..kind of almost feeling each others breath and trying to feel more of it.may be... though i didnt spray any mouth freshner...but then love is not only blind it can take the sense out of you...

so almost close and then i think..when two human beings are so close, facially, its looks more feminine, i guess, to close your eyes, this is what i have learnt from Bollywood movies and Mills and Boon.

Me almost in the dilema of closing or not closing my eyes, i saw the pair of eyes in front of me opened and next moment i heard a scream...

yes, very obviously so, because moment i turn around i see a Black, standing on four feet, smelling of God-knows-what Buffalo...it was at a centimeter distance from me. Again when i look in front, i see a familiar face, who was almost at the same centimeter distance a few minutes back is standing miles away.

Me, the smart ass that i am, i start laughing uncontrollably...and finally, it sits beside me with a thump....

Luck and Fate, you are born with...


Not to say it, but just in case, for your reference: Till date i have not said this to my RM and i definitely dnt intend to say...cause then i will be hit with words which will faint me to death. Good that she is not here in the blogospehere....well, to hide from one, i said it to the world....


P.S: I do not intend to demean any of the people or the animals who played their interesting role in my life...never.
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